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PENISGIRL

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july 2nd

i had a birthday. im older now

i have been looking online for more jobs that are like grapchi design and photo retouching but i dont have the portfolio for it. i had an interview that went GREAT but I DIDNT HEAR BACK. it was at a creative agency. wtf is a creative agency? can someone tell me? i actually had a hard time explaining to anyone what kind of job it was going to be, but i know i was going to be photoshopping. oh well.

i messed up my messed up painting. 1. it dosnt feel right to photoshop an oil painting, 2. i dont like recylcing work. when i share or mess around with old work, it reminds of when tony soprano says " "remember the time...." is the lowest form of conversation. it means you have nothing to talk about anymore" and i agree with tony. looking at and sharing old work seems desperate but i guess thats just what i am now

 

okay good bye

 

june 23rd

more than ever i have no idea what to do. i

june 21st-

i slept terrible last night because my dreams gave me social anxiety. i was dreaming i was at a party with everyone, the party was a laundromat-lucien hybrid. i have been to lucien twice in a year. hah

 

jackhammers are legally allowed to start at 7 am, it turns out. the lights are too bright and my stomach hurts when i dont get enough sleep.

i've been thinking of Lacuna. I've been thinking of how narccistic my peers are through instargam. I am thinking how mystery is a currency. I want to be rich. I have been thinking if it possible to be successful without social media, and the answer is YES if you DONT LIVE HERE or YOU DONT CARE. I like living here. I am thinking about how if you want to get something done you have to do it yourself. I am listening to ABBA as I write this. I am thinking about how to share as little as possible with my family because they dont get it. I miss my friend's in Japan and envy their isolation, but only sometimes. I felt pretty yesterday

 

i really want to go on a trip but i dont want to go alone, but i can only think of a few people i can stand spending an extended period of time with CONSECUTIVELY.

 

whats the deal with gallery owner's and their artists? i dont think an artist should need a gallery. it just adds another echoing voice of criticism and we have enough of our own. this is my gallery. everything is for sale

this painting is SO UGLY i cant look away and I LOVE IT BUT its a really awkward thing to own. its too big and really hard to photograph.

 

this was my father's day card i made. it's astro boy and dr tenma. my only exposure to astro boy is from Naoki Urasaw's manga series Pluto which is my 2n favorite manga

 

june 10th-

 

http://givemeahot.dog/themouse.html

 

 

a quick diary entry about anthony bourdain

 

April 24th

wow it has been another long break here on GIVE ME A HOT . DOG. sorry to all* my readers. i've been busy doing nothing and trying to take care of myself.

 

 

*probably no one

i dont know why no one is collecting my supreme art yet.

 

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I got into a summer painting intensive at columbia. i very strongly believe that this painting (among my 9 other pieces for consideration of acceptance) got me in. I dont know why, I tried really hard to finish it for the application. it came from a powerful dream, and i think it got me in. i know it did.

I didnt realize the course costs 11,000$ and its non-credit so i cant get financial aid. I feel really dumb. I also felt scammed because who can really afford that? I felt less flattered about my acceptance because maybe they can take anyone who can pay the money. but then again they only accept 11 students, so idk. maybe i can still feel honored and like i earned something and like i'm talented, just not rich. the class would have been awesome. i wonder who can afford that. i wish i could look up the other people who got accepted and are taking the class

i got rejected from the other 5 places i applied to spend my summer at. i have to find something else to do.

 

drew some people at the Carlyle hotel  
   
sketchbook scans thinking about louise borgoise
these are my banana butterflies

i hate the doctors office. someone in spain sent me a grafiti of this image (someone drew it in oilstick on a wall,

they look it off my instagram. i dont mind. kind of cool)

an opera i wrote ^  

 

 

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these are when i did a product rendering job for Barneys in 2016. I lke these vector drawings before I add color and finish.

If anyone has some CAD job for me like this hit me up, i work fast

 

picture of my son admiring my work in bed

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these are slippers I drew on for Darren. it was for a show at Andrew Krepps gallery in chelsea wich is where my favorite art galleries are (jk).

working for darren actually rules though

 

 

 

my smoking goat.... he needs a suit.

 

these two ^^ black and white line drawings earned me some cash because people got prints! one is self portrait and the other is a kitten named Peter from Reddit

rose my muse. we are opposite artists but good friends

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muffin^

 

 

( i dont know this cat and i did not do that to him)

^found this i took in 2015 in Tokyo. thats a big tattoo....

 

muffin.

 

Feb 22

 

I'm a party girl my body hurts

i drew this in class because i dont sit still

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should i make this into a shirt

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this mother and son with their groceries :) F train

 

I saw an exhibit of life drawings by a John Ruggeri. they are on display at SVA right now. I think they were made some time in the 80's. they are self explanitory and AMAZING.

 

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here's a bad idea:

 

 

 

 

what should I do with this drawing?

me and ali we both like this photo of us

^playing with oil pastels

i made this shirt for myself but its crooked!

WHO IS LICK LOWE??

can he buy this if he likes it???? wth

 

 

 

 

 

 

Feb 8

I love love love love my advertising class. it keeps my brain busy all day thinking of ads and slogans. this is a little disturbing to me because i think the ad industry is immoral (people should really stop buying shit. just stop)and it feeds into the consumer culture of this shitty nation. but its SO FUN. the class is fun at least. i've never been a morally sound person so maybe its a good match...

i did a painting yesterday that says 'have you ever brushed your teeth or eaten while crying'. i have done both recently and its really fucking sad. i dont know i didnt stop eating or stop brushing my teeth. i think its denial.

if someone was watching someone else do that what would they think

it is blue and so am i :)

 

these are really stacking up

 

i put all my cards on babytooth.city to see if people order them but i havnt done anything to promote them. its hard to sell yourself. i also emailed like 15 editors for print and online to ask if they would hire me to livedraw at fashion week but no one answered LOL. ill try the same email again for next season's shows or just go fuck myself

 

Feb 5

this is me in another universe. i am back in CLASS again (intro to advertising continuing ed) so i have lots of time to doodle and let my mind turn to mush. but i do like the class i just have to move my hand the whole time because i am me.

 

 

Feb 3rd

 

i left for a few days. i went into the sun. I deleted instagram for a mintue because its too important to me. can you admit that? i'm also looking for something that isnt there. and im waiting for something that isnt there, and my brain is changing from it and i dont like it. so its good to take time off.

i have to change the fish's water. i dont want to. i wish he would die. i missed a few important deadlines, but they probably just werent that important, then.

Jan 26th.

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"you used to love my bed"

 

50"x30", oil on canvas

oil sticks

 

JANUARY 13TH 2018

WARNING the post below this one uploaded my images ROTATED. its very annoying. if you want to see the image right side up just open it in a new tab

its a new year! this year i plan to WASTE LESS and stop being a bully to myself. I've stopped drinking and smoking too. if i keep it up, great- if I dont then its okay too. i hate this racist country

 

i wish i could submit this as an artist statement^

recently I have had to write about my work or explain it. this is because I am applying for grants and residencies. the nature of my work is extremely chaotic, impulsive, nonlinear, nonsensical- i dont have a substantial body of work. my work is all over the place and looks like it came from more than one artist. this is something i am proud of at times (being interdisciplinary, 'mixed media artist') but it is also a hinderance when it comes to things like 'artist statement' or intent or bio or anything. I dont make sense to myself i am not sure how to make sense to someone else.

i am looking for a way to describe my identity. most of the time i feel like a shell.

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after 2 weeks of feeling very discouraged about myself and my allover practice (shit), i finally reached some clarity. ask me about it if you see me, or else its just going to be for those who read my applications. for now. eventually i may be in the position, 'career'-wise, to explain a piece of my work to an audience. but i feel good about it.

 

this is a new text based paintings i have started. it says 'you used to love my bed' oil on canvas
my friend (and also sometimes boss) darren commissioned me to do this info-graphic for the wall of Sadie Coles HQ in london where he is having a show. Its a very nice gallery and i am honored to have something in there even though its darren's thing. its confusing but the project was fun and i love working with darren. he let me sign it. i wish i could go to london and see it. i am trying to. Its about putting a house in a bag. I titled it 'agoraphob's dream'
a mechanical man i drew at a musuem in NJ in 2015. the animatronic museum in morristown im old i hate me
also me another self portrait
me trying. should have kept my mouth shut i look retarded takako konishi...japanese woman found dead in the snow (with a bottle of champagne) in Fargo. the inspiration behind Kumiko the Treasure Hunter, a great film.
i went to the whitney. I was encouraged by others to see Laura Owen's show. which was 'nice' shes great at making big nice paintings in a unique style. i was really hungry while i was there so i almost left without seeing Jimmie Durham's showcase and WOW. WOW. folks DO NOT judge a book by its cover. i LOVED his work but its seemed so primitive and crafty and brown. I made a mistkake by writing it off. after investigating further and reading about the man and the pieces, i was enjoying the work and myself because a lot of it was pretty funny. the lesson here is dont be a stuckup idiot, sara. and dont write off work because you think it looks ugly, sara. pray to saint fridgo and repent

i was surprised and moved to see Durham's artistic and poetic interpretation of shakespeare's Caliban from the Tempest. (i have not read the tempest, i have read Dexter palmer's loose intepretation of the Tempest called The Dream of Perpetual motion).

Caliban is an ugly monster who cant see himself. he hates his father and is in love with his sister.

a dancer  

i did this painting in senior year of college. its on the back of a piece of wood from an Ikea drawer. It was for my last assignment in oil paintng class about anthropamorphic (sp?) animals. i think. the assignment was to give an animal HUMAN qualities. i hated school by that point and was DONE taking direction so i bullshitted this painting. it got A LOT of love from my professor (why??) and the most likes on any piece of work i have ever shared (why?????)

 

its inspired by the photos my facebook friend kept posting of her infant daughter's eye surgery.

another one from college. her face i liked. the rest of it sucked. the opposite of a butterface i guess
 
i like dodeka face banks. i want one. and until i get one i will keep drawing or painting them. i just remembered i have an amazon gift card so maybe i should just order it....  
   
   

iisa rinna likes the portrait i made of her in chocolate in 2014 but wont get in touch with me about sending her the original. i love you lisa

 

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